link to main page: Adoxography.
6/25/2024
My name? Maybe one day.
For now, I am an anonomous male trying to learn code, in need ot a space to vent his thoughts.
Today is the first entery in my blog! So I should probably start with a bit of info about myself?
If im being honest, I've never even read a blog. I just know they're things people treat like, sort of online journals?
Where they also share thinks they've found or learned with the people who follow them. Like tumbler or instagram or whatever.
Well. Those sorts of social-media platforms are much to public for my tastes. Kinda scary tbh.
But at the same time, I guess I still want a way to put myself out there. But without the anxiety that somebody i know will see
the weird sh*t I think or write. That's why im here on neocities I suppose. Taking the most round about way of compromising my need for recognition
with my crippling social anxiety. but hey. better coping mechanism than can be said most people. Eh, i'll probably talk that out with my thrapist
one day.
Once I can afford one.
HA
Ok, now. Actually about myself.
Im 18, a fresh faced adult aspiriant, living on the west coast of the good ol' USofA.
Mixed heritage, and at the end of the day, not a horrible childhood.
I like to listen and play music, I play the Piano, the Saxaphone, I used to play the guitar too, but i havn't practiced in forever.
I also like to play video games. puzzles & RPG's, platformers, Indi stuff mostly. but hey, who doesn't like a good indi game.
I also love reading. but lately i havn't been able to do that as much as i'd like. but honestly it's mostly due to lack of motivation.
well. that's not entierly acuret. In an atempt to getback into teh habbit ive started reading lightnovels and webnovels. they work! sorta
the problem is, they work too well! it' s just so easy to binge read a web novel. i finished an over 1500 chapter novel in just 2 or so weeks.
my liturature teacher used to go on about "slow reading" like that slow eating movement that was all teh rage a few years back. the idea is to space
your engagement time out. alowing you really digest and think about the information. but i just don't have the self controll to do that TnT
eh. that's neither here nor there. on with the show.
I have siblings, probably too many. but family drama can come later. I like math and science, im pretty good with both.
in fact im applying to my colage with a math major. honeslty i should be studying & practicing for the ALEC right now, but im procrastinating that by
trying to learn HTML & CSS for some reason? go figure. avoiding somethink i know i'll finish in a few hours, by taking up a project
that'll take me months at least. typical for me. but whatever.
i like to write. but i also suffer from a horible inability to put any coherent thoughts into words. i have these ideas rattling around in my brain,
but then it comes to puting pencil to paper, or fingers to keyboard, i can't ever get the words out in a way i'm satisfied with. honestly it's more
of an "i need practice" thing than an actual problem. that's why i hope this blog will help. maybe practicing putting my everyday thoughts in type,
will help me put other things into words.
which is all to say i will occasionaly post some of my drafts or idea tid-bits here, not for anybody to actually see hopefully.
but so i can come back later and balk at my horrible writing, then get to work trying to fix the mistakes.
let's see how that works out.
I like to draw, and paint, and do art generally. but suprise suprise, i have 0 motivation to ever sit down and actually practice or just do it.
which is a shame. im usually really hapy with the things i make. it's frustrating when i finaly set a paper in front of me and i can't to a thing with it
i'd like to also post some of my art here on the occasions i make it. but Neocities charges 5$ a month if a cite grows bigger than a gig,
so untill i get my ID, a bank account, and a stable source of income, i probably won't.
just as well though, probably for the best.
well. im running out of thoughts to put here. so that probably means im done for now. be back... whenever i suppose.
i'll keep taking notes on HTML tags in the mean time. keep you guys posted. later.
7/15/2024
well. gotta say, kinda dissapointed in myself. i havn't done a single thing i said i was going to!
though i guess i can cut myself some slack, it's been a time consuming and sressfull ordeal having to get everything in order for collage
and ive been dealing with other stuff beside, wooooooooo myseeeerrrrious paaaaast. or whatever
ugh, i gotta say i my heart isn't really in this update, ive got so much on my mind though, i need to vent
basicly, what happening is, my sister if a huge f*cking idiot. of biblical proportions.
the kid is getting a little to bloated in the head, she really thingks she's an adult who's got her whole life figured out.
and there's few things more dangerous than that. she is fucking up her life so bad. and the worst part is she's documenting it!
no, actually, the worst part is that here i am sitting on this when i should be going to our mom about it. this makes her look so bad,
there's enough going on to atminimum justify a temporary seperation of the 2, they could even go after the baby! sh*ts bad.
im dissapointed in her desisions generally, but im fucking furious she's actually so stupid to do chronical her downfall, and arogant enough
to think that nobody in the world has the 2 braincells needed to figure it out!
ugh, im rambling here. my mind is running in circles over this. and it's also like, 8 in the morning. and im trying to fix my sleep schedual
i just, needed to put this down i guess. im scared, with everything that's happened, my mom has gotten into a real bad habbit of parenting out of
guilt. that's how this was allowed to happen to begin with. my sister has a history of making similarly bad decisions, but given the circumstances
my mom was quick to sweep the whole thing under the rug. and now sister dearest is back to the same old sh*t. and i just know that if it was me, mom
would be so far up my ass about it, she'd have to be surgicly removed. grose image, but not inacurate.
even though me and my sister went through that sh*t together, even though i had to deal with all of it on my own too.
even when ive tried to be open with her. and thats another thing! mom treats her like she's an adult and feeds into it!
and in teh same breath im the worst stain in her life. im exaderating of cource, but she doesn't take me seriously at all
even though we wen't through the same thing. even though im the one who actually has their life together, im the one a going to a state university
while she's doing what? she dropped out of shighschool to finish her education early online. even skipped an entier year. but because she
can make money doing people nails, i guess that makes her more adult then me without a job? in her eyes at lest. what sort of bullsh*t is that!
i didn't let my life fall apart, i tried to help her though it, nobody can say i didn't, but we've never been that close,
and movies really overstate trama bonds. she pushed me away then, and now im in no position to help her decreetly. the damage is alredy done too...
i don't know. i feel so lost, i feel like i have myself to blamb, maybe if i'd treid harder, if i caught on sooner. maybe maybe maybe.
at least it's abundantly obvious what has to happen. this cant be allowed to continue, either I or my dad has to confront this.
and if dad did it, and went to sister, she'd flip and run to mom with some BS. if he wentdirectly to mom, they would only argue over whose the
worst parent, and nothing would get done. i have to do it, i'll have no chance going after sister for the same reasons. so as much as i don't like
my odds, i have to be the one to go to mom about it.
fuck
7/16/2024
im thinking about the sort of asthetic i want for this site.
im thinking something minimalist, post apocoliptic brutalist. but reminicent of the romantic era.
which basicly means lots of grey, beige, and parchment texture. :P
in other news, i am slowly but surely fixing my sleep schedual. as much as i hate myself for it.
today i am meeting with various advisors and sutch to figure out how i can go about a major change.
i want to do computers instead of math, mostly because AI is probably going to be doing most math from here on out.
so i thought, "well why not be a guy who builsd AI?"
i don't know nearly enough about coding to do the software. but im good with my hands, and have an eye for detail.
i can totaly build computers!
im meeting with the guy right now actually, in like, 15 minutes.
wish me luck, people who may never exist!
7/28/2024
it is 11:40
i got back from my trip today, to see my college.
forget roomate horrer stories. nobody could be worse then the roomates i already lived with before.
Here's how to make a list:
To learn more HTML/CSS, check out these tutorials!